I value this community, and view many here as “iFriends,” and I have noticed that some of you post things about our personal lives occasionally. So I wanted to post a personal update.
My wife passed away on March 28 after a long fight with disability and severe chronic pain. We were married for nearly 34 years and together for nearly 36. She became disabled in 1998 and her health got progressively worse over the years until she finally succumbed. While I am glad she is no longer suffering, it has been a terrible loss.
We lived with her parents in one home for the past 12 years, and we were all caregivers for her. They moved to California in June to be close to my wife’s brother and his family. Suddenly being alone rather than in a home with three other adults and a dog has been part of my adjustment.
Since my wife passed, I have gone through her memorial service, sorting through and dispositioning all of her stuff, an estate sale, rehoming our dog, buying a condo and starting renovations, selling and closing on the house, and packing and moving. I had to do all of that myself since my in-laws had moved, but that was probably a good thing.
I’m now living through the condo renovations with no functional kitchen, living room, dining room, master bedroom, or master bathroom for some number of weeks. I basically live in my office and guest bedroom surrounded by boxes. Fun times.
It has obviously been very emotional. It will be a long time before I am able to adjust fully to a new normal, but all I can do is work through it one day at a time.
In the meantime, it is helpful to be able to take my mind off of all of that seriousness by following the Chargers and participating in the forum here. Thanks to all of you for making it a positive experience.
Sorry for such a heavy post just before the season starts, but I appreciate the opportunity. It is cathartic. Thanks for your support.
Tau, if your committment to this community is anything to go by then I’m sure that your wife enjoyed a wonderful life with you by her side. I’ve been with my wife for 8 years so I only know some of the bond that a life together builds, to lose that is unspeakably painful but I can only imagine the lifetime of memories you had together over almost four decades. I hope thinking of them brings you peace when the time is right to allow them to.
The Chargers mean a lot to all of us but now I will have double the reason to smile during the best moments of this upcoming season as I will think of how it might lift your day. I look forward to talking ball across this season and to you inevitably finding the numerical flaws to my data presentations (an act which I always value). I’ll echo what the other guys have said that if you are ever in need of support or distraction just know that you’ll have it from this community. I wish you the best and I look forward to your valuable contributions whenever you’re ready to share them.
Tau, I’m so very sorry to hear this. I know the grief of losing a spouse. Pam passed unexpectedly on 4/10/2013….only 46 yrs old. I’m still adjusting.
Grief is a personal journey with no true guidebook. The stages of grief aren’t neat and orderly. The recovery, if you will, isn’t a consistently upward progression at all.
We’ve had our tense moments here but I want you to know…..I understand what you’re experiencing and am available if you need someone to listen. Don’t hesitate for any reason.
Wishing you my deepest condolences and all the best moving forward. Be patient with yourself. Your life together wasn’t built overnight. Your adjustment and acceptance won’t be either. Give yourself time and grace, keep a grateful and hopeful heart. I’m certain your wife would want you to rebuild your happiness. Keep that thought close.
I second Arne’s sentiments below, Tau.
We’re here for you while you adjust to this next stage of your life and it’s great that you’re comfortable sharing something so personal and challenging in this group. It suggests we have built a genuine community of friendship, and not only fandom.
Long may it continue.
I know you’re a big Steve P and Sam Monson fan so hopefully yday’s show provides another helpful distraction.
Damn Tau, that is a heavy burden to bear. I wish I could say something to make it better but those type of words don’t exist. All I can say is that I genuinely wish you the best and will keep you in mind during a Chargers game in the future. May those be the mindclearing experiences you need. I will be rooting with you and your wife in mind this upcoming season. All the best my friend.
Warm regards
Arne